Feeling self-conscious.

Those of you who know me will know that I’m not the sort of person given to feelings of self-consciousness. I accepted from an early age (probably too early) that I would never be what I call ‘magazine attractive’, so I’ve always focused on being just the best damn Sharky I can be, put myself out there and see if anyone responds. I’m fortunate in my life that a few people over the years have..

I’ve put on a lot of weight this year. It’s an old cliche that when you’re in a happy relationship – as I am with Lady Sharky – you feel secure enough to let yourself go a bit. Whilst I don’t think it’s practically affected my sex life, I’d like to lose a bit of weight to feel a bit healthier in myself, and also to look better in our photos and video clips that we both like filming.

But that’s not why I’m feeling self-conscious. Recently I’ve become concerned that my libido is unnaturally high at this stage in my life. I’ve always enjoyed sex, but I like to think I’ve maintained a decent balance in my life with other things I enjoy – going to gigs, Film & TV, listening to music, socialising, date nights. I am the kind of man who would enjoy sex every day – I love the unpredictability of it, the fact that no two sessions are the same, the variety of accessories that can be used, the ever-evolving techniques involved in making my partners climax. Lady Sharky and I don’t live together right now, so we only get to have sex a few times a week. But we’re in the early stages of talking about moving in together and naturally the possibility of more sex has been mentioned.

Now I’ve never been the kind of person to judge my own sex life based on other couples’ sex lives – indeed, most other couples aren’t as forthcoming about their sex lives as us. But I get the idea from the odd comment here and there that the idea of daily sex is ridiculous and unrealistic for a couple in their 30s. When I was younger, I was given to understand that a man’s sex drive drops off in his 30s, and a woman’s slightly increases. Mine doesn’t seem to have decreased at all however – indeed, if anything it’s grown! Whilst I am very fortunate that Lady Sharky has one of the highest sex drives of any woman I’ve been involved with, I still feel like I’m too much for her, especially as she works 10-hour days at a more demanding job than I do. And of course, having mentioned these feelings to her, she’s now worried that she’s not enough for me, and I’ve had to reassure her that as much as I like social sex and swinging, if she was the only woman I had sex with for the rest of my life I would die a happy man.

Obviously the key here is communication, and don’t get me wrong, as relationship issues go, “too much sex” is hardly cause for alarm. But having a higher libido than my partner was an issue in the breakdown of my last relationship so I’m now a lot more conscious of it. Lady Sharky thinks daily sex might be a stretch – there are always going to be times when one of us isn’t in the mood – but she says an increase in the rate from what we have now when we live together is definitely on the cards. Which should keep my libido in check!

We still, after 9 months, haven’t made it to a club yet due to one thing and another. Hopefully when our transport situation is sorted out we’ll be able to have some sexy adventures around the North West rather than just in our flat.

If you feel like sharing, we’re always interested in feedback. Are you a couple in your 30s? How often do you have sex? Are you parents and wish you had more sex? Lady Sharky and I are childless by choice, whilst a lot of our friends are of the parental persuasion, which I’m given to understand will dramatically restrict any chances of sexy time. I suspect our lack of children is what fuels our sex drives. If you’d like to join us at one of our sexy nights in and peak behind the curtain of social sex (maybe you’re just parents who want a break), then feel free to get in touch.


Be Safe and Be Sexy


One thought on “Feeling self-conscious.

  1. I used to have a high sex drive but since I’ve the one and it’s on tap I dont feel I need it all the time but we are open and happy to please are selves when the times are not so sexy. But also the reality of working demanding jobs and painting a mortgage etc does make you reassess life from a different angle


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