I have some questions…

I don’t claim to know everything about sex. That’s one of the great things about sex – the constant exploration and discovery. That being said, if anyone can answer these sex-related questions for me, I’d be grateful.


How do women with really long sharp claw-like nails masturbate without toys?

Like, is it actually possible? Catching your sensitive lady-bits on one of those claws has gotta be a risk surely? Do they have to carry sex toys with them everywhere in case the urge strikes them whilst they’re giving Freddy Kruger a run for his money? Then again, I’m amazed that women can accomplish everyday tasks with some of the claws I’ve seen in customer service (it’s always amusing watching them enter their PIN on a card-reader keypad – the invention of contactless payment must have been a revelation!). Don’t get me wrong, I’ve nothing against claw nails – especially if they’re scratching my back during rough sex (although there’s a very fine line between ‘kinky’ and ‘owfuckthathurts’!) – but as a man who’s been ordered to trim his already short nails before engaging in finger play with a woman, I’ve always wondered how women manage it themselves with nails that could pick locks.


Is shoving a lady’s underwear to one side for sex comfortable for anyone?

Another thing that’s always bugged me is the amount of amateur porn I watch in which the man, instead of removing a lady’s knickers to gain access to the caves of wonder beneath, just awkwardly shoves them to one side and plunges in whilst the pants remain around the hips. Seriously, just type ‘sex with panties on’ into Google and there’s loads of it. I don’t know whether this is just me, but nothing takes me out of the moment more than seeing that, because in my head I’m like “JUST TAKE THE PANTS OFF!” Personally, I think a woman removing her underwear, or better still, allowing you to remove her underwear, is a seriously erotic act. What was that film where someone (I think it’s Vince Vaughan but won’t swear to it) remarks about how when a woman is lying down, you go to take her panties off and she does that little arch with her body just to make it that little bit easier to slide those bits of lacy goodness over her butt and down, and how that little body-arch is the most amazing thing ever? I’m totally all about that!!! I just feel that, at some point if you want to get hotter and heavier, the panties will have to come off, and you’re going to wish you’d done it beforehand rather than mid-fuck.

Maybe I’m just not with the times, that ‘shove the panties to the side’ sex is the thing now for those couples who don’t have time for that whole knickers-removal business. Maybe the panty-fetish porn demographic is bigger than I realise. But surely sex with underwear on is what crotchless underwear was invented for? I had a partner who enjoyed sex in swingers clubs, but who didn’t like being too naked (hey, each to their own) – Crotchless panties/bodysuits, often coupled with stockings and suspenders, were an elegant solution that allowed her to enjoy herself at a modesty level she was comfortable with.


I’m sure I had more questions than this when I started writing this entry, but they’ve all vanished from my brain. I guess these two will have to do for now. If I think of any more, I’ll post them in another entry. Answer in the comments, or privately if you know me. Feel free to suggest any other questions you’ve been too shy to ask which I could throw out into the blogosphere.

Be Safe and Be Sexy


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