Well…shit…

Isn’t it amazing how quickly your whole life can fall apart? A few days before NYE, one of my friends decides she wants nothing more to do with me due to the drama caused by my main partner. This is the catalyst to me finally standing up for myself with my main partner and ending what had become a toxic relationship. Feel like the last five years of my life has been a failure.

To cap it all off, one of my new physical friends agreed to a monogamous relationship over New Year, so no more playing with her. And another is having to go to hospital tomorrow for something that may or may not be serious. Which puts paid to plans I had for tonight and tomorrow night, and adds a dollop of worry for my friend on top of it all.

I feel so alone right now. My ex-main partner deliberately went out over NYE to a party run by a mutual friend (who she wouldn’t know if I hadn’t introduced them) where she knew I’d end up seeing photos of her on Facebook having a good time, just to rub it in that she doesn’t need me. Of course, now I’m paranoid that all our mutual friends have been put in the position of choosing between us, which is not something I’d want for anyone. If it’s anything like my last break-up, they’ll all choose her because she’s far more interesting.

So yeah. Alone, depressed, kind of hoping I wouldn’t wake up today. Think I’m going to give up on relationships. No matter how hard I try – and I really do – they just never seem to work for me. Think I’ll just stick to close encounters. This might be the last blog for some time, as it might be a while before I get my life sorted out.

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