New boundaries

So I haven’t written in a while. In my previous entry, my partner and I were having some problems, and if you don’t know me personally then you might have thought that my relationship had come crashing down.

Thankfully I’m happy to report that it was just a lovers’ tiff that happens occasionally and that we’re all happy again.

One thing that did result from the aforementioned tiff is a new structure for our relationship. We are each other’s primary love in the traditional romantic sense. Any other sexual partners we may have are now ‘close physical friends’. So I guess you could say we now have more of a ‘traditional’ open relationship rather than a polyamory setup. At the end of the day, it’s what’s best for our relationship. I’ve had misgivings about this type of multi-partner relationship in the past, as I’d always been troubled by the thought of ‘ranking’ partners – I’m like “I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings – I’ll love them all!”

But having discussed things at length with my main partner and other sexual partners, I think this new set-up is for the best. Obviously there is still closeness between myself and the friends I have sex with outside my relationship, but I do feel there’s a weight off my shoulders now that I don’t necessarily have the pressures of a full-blown relationship with women other than my main partner.

Some other new developments in my main relationship; My main partner has unofficially retired from multi-person sexcapades. So no more threesomes, foursomes, moresomes or club sex for the foreseeable future. Whilst I do enjoy such things, naturally that’s her decision, made for her reasons, and I respect that. I’m allowed to indulge in such things with other partners, although part of me wonders if I’m too old for such things. If I find another partner who enjoys these things, then great, but it’s not something I’m going to actively pursue. My main partner and I travel in mostly separate social circles, so it’s highly unlikely we’ll become involved with someone who the other is friends with.

I’m having someone stay over tomorrow, but even though we’re sharing a bed, this is purely platonic. It’s weird, because we’ve both admitted we find each other sexually attractive, but we’re keeping things on a totally non-sexual basis. Part of me wonders if this is a test, whether she’s seeing if I can be trusted not to make things sexual. Whatever it is, this person is an amazing woman and I’m determined to prove that not all men are ruled by their libidos, especially in light of the Weinstein scandal, and that I’m fully capable of maintaining a friendship with a woman without it becoming sexual.

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