Porn and Sex Tapes

All photos are from my personal collection and are not to be shared without my permission.

I’m a man and I enjoy watching people have sex onscreen.

That should not be a taboo phrase in today’s world. But I know that some people still get very hot under the collar when the subject comes up. I’ve dated women who were very disapproving of the fact that I still enjoyed the occasional hand party with the ladies of the screen whilst I was dating them. Let me put this to bed once and for all. Ladies; it doesn’t mean he loves you any less if he occasionally indulges while you’re not there. It only becomes a problem if your man neglects you (or, you know, the rest of his life) in favour of watching the screen-sirens.

But here’s what a lot of people don’t realise; there is a difference between porn and sex tapes. Porn is fantasy, while sex tapes have a basis in reality. It’s ‘Lord of the Rings’ vs ‘Bowling for Columbine’. Sure, the latter may be skewed in favour of a certain viewpoint, but in the end, porn stars are actors playing a role, whereas the people in sex tapes are real people.

To be honest, I rarely watch porn any more. The majority of the porn I do watch is what might be classed as ‘high-concept’ e.g. Vampires, Pirates, Goth/Heavy Metal, Movie Spoofs etc., as a) I like vampire, pirates and goths in general and b) it’s quite clearly fantasy. The only other porn I watch is orgy/group sex/gang-bang porn, because those things I have a particular kink for in my personal life but don’t often appear in sex tapes. I’m probably the last person left who still (occasionally) pays for porn – because dammit I want some production value in my fantasy!

One thing that isn’t often discussed, but is becoming more acceptable in modern sexual relations, is watching and enjoying porn as a couple. Again, high-concepts are your friend. Many women don’t enjoy the visual act of sex as much as men (I find women tend to prefer literature as an erotic stimulus). But most people enjoy Pirates and Vampires lol. If it gets you in the mood, great! I’ve had great sessions where my partner and I have just masturbated each other whilst watching porn, with no penetration involved at all. Although sometimes this does lead to full sex, and it can be fun trying to keep up with the actors onscreen. If you think this is something you might enjoy, discuss it with your partner. There are plenty of channels on sites like Pornhub dedicated to porn for couples – many of them made by women with stimulating imagery for women included. You could also browse the range in your local sex shop or online porn dvd store and see if anything catches both your eyes (the ‘Pirates’ porn films are pretty good!).

However, on my own I much prefer watching home-made sex tapes. Why? For one, because the fact that the people you are watching a real people, with normal, everyday lives, makes it that little bit more taboo – and it’s the taboo that makes it exciting (the way porn used to be before the internet). Secondly, is reassuring to watch real people (i.e. non-actors) have sex. Real people don’t always have perfect tits, ripped abs, huge cocks, or scream like they’re being murdered. Most real women have asymmetrical breasts which don’t defy gravity, most men don’t have a six-pack or a python-sized cock. A lot of real couples make little or no noise when they orgasm. Real people have bits that wobble. Real people have birthmarks and beauty spots. Real people’s bodies sweat and make weird noises during sex (we’ve all had that sweaty fart noise happen when sweaty torsos are pressed together!). Real sex has slow and tender moments, pauses and the occasional blooper (long hair has a tendency to get in the way if you forget to tie it back!). It’s the realness that makes sex tapes more erotic. The fantasy of porn is “I wish that was me”, whereas the reality of sex tapes is “That could be me!”. Sex tapes can also be fun when watched as a couple.

Whilst you can find the odd sex tape on mainstream free porn sites like Pornhub and Youporn under the ‘amateur’ or ‘homemade’ tabs, there are plenty of free sites that exist that cater to people who prefer sex tapes. Sites such as yuvutu (my personal favourite) or xhamster (which also hosts professional stuff as well).

I know people who have sex tapes online. I personally have had sex tapes online – some of you may have even seen them back in the day! I don’t have any online at the moment apart from the semi-professional clips I shared in a previous blog.

Obviously uploading sex tapes is not for everyone. It takes a certain type of exhibitionist nature to be comfortable with the idea. As someone who enjoys being watched while I have sex in my personal life, I’ve never had a problem with being watched online.

Having sex tapes online can affect one’s work life (“How dare my employees be comfortable having sex!” – this is an issue for another time). How many stories have you read about teachers how have been fired for racy pics or videos from their past coming to light? Hell, Vanessa Williams had to resign as Miss America when Penthouse published (unauthorised) nude photos of her. Because…er…American women don’t ever get naked? Bullshit – I know from personal experience that they do, and enjoy it! As it is, one of the main reasons I set up my own business is so that I would never have to worry about my personal life affecting my professional life again. It’s one of the greatest freedoms still left in this world. Life’s too short for that shit. Before you ask, the reason my most well known sex tapes are no longer online is due to a change in career of the partner involved.

When my tapes were online however, I was not running my own business but actually employed in a big national chain. One of my co-workers posted a status along the lines of “I wonder if there’s a porn spoof of Evil Dead?”. As it happened, one of my tapes was filmed with the dvd of Evil Dead 3 playing in the background. In a tipsy moment, I commented that the coworker should type ‘Evil Dead’ into Pornhub and see what came up. And that was that (they’re not there any more, don’t bother searching. I know you were thinking it!). I’m pretty sure the tapes were viewed by most of the staff at that company. But here’s the thing – I never had any negative repercussions or criticisms from it. My partner at the time reckons she did get the odd look when she visited that particular location, but that was it. People have better things to do than worry about a co-worker fucking. It wasn’t like the videos were tagged with our names or the company’s name or anything like that.

It was the same with the comments underneath our videos. They were posted on two different sites; the more mainstream Pornhub, and the specialist site yuvutu. Pornhub viewers rarely commented, but yuvutu’s viewers – who are there specifically because they like seeing real people – were very complimentary. Think about it, when was the last time you watched a porn clip on a free site and felt the need to comment underneath it? I know people who struggle to convince people to ‘like’ their normal videos on Youtube! It’s such an ego boost to see comments like “I wish my boyfriend/girlfriend fucked like that!” or “She has a smoking body!” or “Mmm I want that huge cock!”. To my recollection, our videos only ever received one negative comment, and that was from a guy who took exception to the fact we had Rob Zombie’s Greatest Hits playing in the background (and believe me, we lasted the entire Greatest Hits!). On those kind of sites, complimenting a real couple having sex is not much different to complimenting a band’s music video on Youtube.

One of the reasons I like to think we didn’t receive any negative feedback was because we actually put a bit of effort into our tapes. How many sex tapes have you seen and thought “that was a bit shit”? Paris Hilton looks like a zombie in hers. Gene $immons’ was totally passionless. The judge from Britain’s Got Talent looked like she’d never given a blow-job before. I guarantee if I ever become famous and my sex tapes get leaked, they’ll become the new standard in celebrity sex tapes! Nobody will be satisfied by some poorly shot night-vision fumbling in the dark anymore.

I’m now going to tell you how to film a good sex tape, should you ever wish to experiment.

1. Be aware of framing and lighting.

I did Film Studies at university, so I was always conscious to some extent about framing and lighting. It’s not like I was buying expensive lighting rigs or camera equipment. I’ve filmed great sex tapes with just the built-in webcam in my laptop. Nobody’s judging picture quality here! But sometimes just tweaking the angle of the camera and adjusting the angle of a nearby lamp can make all the difference. I once filmed an epic session that could have gone down in history as the greatest sex tape ever filmed, only to find that the webcam I’d been using had a 10-minute cut-off period! I’m barely getting warmed up after ten minutes! The amount of tapes I’ve seen where the camera has just captured feet at the end of the bed, or the bed has been cast in shadow. Just take a moment to check the image before you hit record.

2. Avoid POV shots.

Point-of-view filmed porn – where one of the participants is holding the camera – may sound like a good idea in theory, but in reality it limits what you can do. You’d be surprised how much you like your hands to be free during sex. And when you want to change position, the picture flails about so much that the viewing experience ceases to be enjoyable. Place whatever camera you’re using on a stationary surface (or a tripod) and just let it roll.

Alternatively, if you have a willing friend, get them to be a cameraperson. I’ve been that cameraman for two friends of mine – I consider it a great badge of trust. If anyone I know would like a trustworthy person to film them, please get in touch.

3. Relax

Sex tapes, as I’ve detailed above, are meant so show a more real side of sex. Obviously you’re going to be aware of the camera to some extent, and you’ll want to up your game because of it, but in the end, you’re having sex. It should be fun and enjoyable without any distractions. Believe me, the camera will pick up when a couple is genuinely enjoying themselves, and that is what makes a great sex tape. Don’t worry if there’s a long period where you’re just going slow – it’s real! Put some music on if that’s you’re thing, or have a drink or two (don’t get wasted though, otherwise you might not perform to the best of your abilities).

4. If you’re putting it online, decide who you want to view it

First, decide whether you want to charge people to view your video. Sites such as AdultWork allow you to charge to view your videos, but that site’s mainly used by escorts, sex workers and wannabe porn actors to advertise their services. If you’re looking for something with a bit more personality, I recommend a site called ‘Make Love Not Porn’, which was set up specifically to show real couples having sex and to showcase the difference between real sex and porn (the site genuinely has a serious agenda regarding this). This site will charge people to view your videos, and you get a cut.

If you’re not bothered about charging and just want to show off, you can use one of the free sites I mentioned above. Pornhub will get you more views, but there is no sense of community there. It’s also harder to remove a video from there as well, as you have to request it to be taken down rather than being able to delete it yourself. Yuvutu will give you fewer views, but as I mentioned, people care about your videos a bit more and comment on them. You’ll also have greater control over your videos, including who can view them. I know people who use xhamster as well, but I have no personal experience of them. Both yuvutu and xhamster allow you to create a personal profile to accompany your videos, with space for photos and blog entries as well if that’s your thing

Alternatively, if you’re technologically minded, you could create your own site specifically for your videos where you have control of everything.

5. Most importantly, make sure this is something you both want to do

Like all forms of sex, nothing should be done without the consent of all parties involved. Discuss your limits with each other. If you don’t want to be identified, nobody is going to mind if you digitally blur your faces or identifying marks like tattoos, or mute your voices if you have a distinctive speaking voice (screams are usually safe). Plenty of couples I’ve seen wear fancy masks. Some sites offer password protection, so that only those you give the password to can view the videos. Community-based sites might also have the option to limit views of your videos to paid members (our videos on yuvutu were so popular, they gave us a free paid membership which got us access to extra videos, HD, fullscreen and a few other perks), or ‘friends’ on that site. It’s your content – you should decide who should view it.

I’ve heard many horror stories of guys who have forced their women into letting them upload their videos, or just uploaded them without their consent at all. This is obviously immoral, wrong and illegal. If you believe a partner has uploaded sexual footage or images where you can be identified, firstly, message the site in question and get the offending clips or photos taken down. All the sites I’ve mentioned in this entry will have an option to report something uploaded without consent – the sites really don’t want to get embroiled in a revenge porn lawsuit. Secondly, you may wish to contact the police if you believe the breech of you privacy to be serious. Revenge porn cases are now being prosecuted, and rightly so. No-one has the right to upload any sexual content without the consent of those featured.

 

However, not all sex tapes are destined for the internet. I’ve filmed many for personal use – a masturbatory aide during time away from my partners. Yes, I masturbate to my own sex tapes. I don’t think that’s weird. In a similar way that I enjoy watching my partners with other guys, I enjoy watching my partners fuck me, as you don’t usually get to see the situation from the outside. It’s the ultimate in reality porn!!!

In the end, what you do in the bedroom starts off between you and your partner. If you do decide to share it with the wider world, it’s not as scary as you might think. If you have a sex tape, and would want some genuine feedback, feel free to link me. Obviously privacy and discretion are cornerstones of mine. I can tell you one thing – I’m sure you’ll look beautiful. Why? Because it’s real.

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