Thoughts on Swinging

This is another of my older posts from my old blog, written roughly March 2014. I’ve made some slight edits here and there, but it’s pretty much the same. I’m not currently active on the swinging scene as I’m currently looking for a new club-partner as, as you’ll read, I have no interesting in being on the scene as a single male.

My name is Sharky, I’m a swinger. When people hear the word ‘swinger’, it’s tempting for them to conjure up images of middle-aged married couples doing the whole ‘keys in a bowl’ thing. But things are changing in the swinging world. Yes there are still middle-aged couples, but there are also plenty of younger couples getting involved in the scene as well.

You probably aren’t aware of this if you’re not in the scene. Whilst, thanks to ’50 Shades of Grey’, the kinky BDSM scene has become fairly socially acceptable – almost mainstream – the swinging scene remains largely in the shadows. You’re not going to find an ‘Introduction to Swinging’ guide on the shelves of Ann Summers, or serious documentaries on real swingers on terrestrial TV. I’ve often wondered about this – why is it more acceptable to engage in (often hardcore) BDSM than to admit that you enjoy consensual safe sex with partners outside of your relationship?

Maybe if I wrote about my own experiences, I could help de-mystify the whole thing, hence starting this blog.

I guess part of my personality – that of an alternative/rock & roll character – has always been to question the norm, to question society’s rules governing our lives. Everything from what I wear, the films I watch, the stories I write and the music I listen to is dictated by one thing; what I like, not what society says I should like. It’s only logical that my sex life should be included in this.

My first serious sexual relationship was a fun time, with a girl who also enjoyed the alternative side of life. We were both fairly sexually inexperienced, so we explored our burgeoning sexuality together. We experimented with toys, with filming, with foodstuffs and eventually a threesome with another woman. We were sampling life’s great sex buffet to see what we liked.

The threesome we particularly enjoyed – she was bisexual so she enjoyed indulging that side of her sexuality, and my libido was more than large enough to satisfy both women. We realised that sex with other people was something we both enjoyed as long as we were both honest and open with each other. That’s obviously the first rule in any form of sexual experimentation as a couple – that you both completely 100% trust each other and both enjoy yourselves. If one of you is not really into it and simply going along with it to please the other, it’s never going to work.

She and I eventually found our own play partners to play with individually. I used to love hearing about her experiences with another guy. That seemed weird to me at the time – why would I like hearing about my girlfriend sleeping with another guy? [See my earlier blog entry ‘My Fetish & Me’ for more on this]

She and I sadly didn’t last, but the sexual freedom we’d afforded each other stayed with me. It was still obviously a taboo subject, and I knew that it wasn’t something I could just force on the next woman I fell for. For all I knew at the time, most women believed 100% in the concept of monogamy.

It turned out that the next woman I fell in love with was open to far more. In the early days of Bizarre Magazine’s Facebook page, I’d posted about looking for a photographer to maybe take some portfolio shots. To my surprise, I got a message from a girl over in Yorkshire inviting me over for a shoot. Let’s call her Angelica.

Always the adventurous type, I hopped a train from my home city of Liverpool over the Pennines and met up with her. There were instant sparks, what I like to call spontaneous sexual combustion. We never did get around to a photoshoot 😉

This time, the subject of an ‘open relationship’ was broached early on. Both of us were highly sexual and due to the distance involved, it was mutually agreed that we’d be able to sleep with anyone we wanted whilst we were apart.

I’m not sure when the subject of the swingers club came up. It was just the next stage of our sexual exploration and experimentation as far as we were concerned. There’s a great swingers and fetish club just over the water from me – Townhouse International – so we decided to try it out.

Looking back, we were so green. I won’t lie, it was intimidating that first time. We were only in our mid-20s and everyone seemed far older. Due to the age gap, we didn’t feel we could connect with anyone there. But the club had three floors, including a Jacuzzi, a sex swing and couples-only areas, so we decided to just enjoy ourselves.

Angelica and I never actually had sex with anyone else at the club, but we discovered that having sex next to other people is almost as fun. There’s somethng magical about two people having sex, if you’ve never seen it up close. Watching two people share a moment like that is such a turn on, that having sex next to them is just mind-blowing.

We also discovered that we loved being watched – a lot of this was due to the fact that we were both exhibitionists. Now I won’t lie, a lot of them time there are a fair few single guys at a swingers club, hoping to be able to join in. Obviously all clubs operate a ‘no means no’ policy so the single guys rarely become a problem. But they spur you on to even greater sex – you want to perform well, to look good, to have the kind of sex they can only dream of having. Our love of being watched also extended to taking pictures and making films in our private sex life. I wish I had those tapes, because they were epic!

As a side note, I wouldn’t advise going to a swingers club as a single guy. They’re not full of single girls ready to fuck you at a moment’s notice – I would say the swinging world is very couples-oriented. Unless you have a prior arrangement to meet up with someone there, then most of the time you’re just standing idly by whilst everyone else has sex. There’s no guarantee anyone will invite you to join in and entry for a single guy is more expensive (when there are single girls however, they tend to get their pick of whoever they want).

Sadly my relationship with Angelica broke down when she decided that a relationship with a guy who lived nearer to her would be easier to manage (I confess I took some delight when he turned out to be a thoroughly unpleasant bastard who stole her money and possessions. We’re friends again now though).

The girl in my next relationship, which I won’t go into too much, wasn’t up for visiting a club. She’d come from an abusive, sex-starved relationship and I opened her eyes to everything that was out that and we had our fun with our own private play-partners. Sadly, she took the idea of sleeping with other people too far when she fell in love with not one, but two of her play-partners and the relationship collapsed spectacularly.

That, I would say, is the main pitfall of swinging – you have to have complete trust that your partner isn’t going to suddenly fall for someone he or she is sleeping with. You need to be very secure in your relationship.

In the last few years I have taken our swinging lifestyle to further levels in previous relationships. One of my partners is a former dominatrix, and swinging takes her back to her teenage years where she would have pot-fuelled orgies with her friends (man, I wish I’d grown up with her and her friends!).

One thing that has changed since I first embarked on my sexual adventures is the proliferation of swinger contact websites. The one that I have used is Fabswingers.com – and unlike a lot of websites, this one is genuinely free. Oh sure, there are extras if you pay, but your basic profile with the ability to upload a few photos (you can keep them private if you want) and send/receive messages is free. It’s here that we’ve seen the biggest growth of swingers our age and younger.

If I were to offer some advice to couples wishing to dip a toe into these waters then I would say start with a website – there are plenty of them out there and they’re as private and anonymous as you want them to be. Get chatting to someone, say, another couple, on the site. Arrange to meet at a public place like a cafe. If you click socially, then maybe arrange a play night at one of your homes. Decide beforehand whether you’re going to swap partners, or just have sex with your own partners in the same room, or just see what happens. If that goes well, then maybe all of you try going to a club together, so you’re guaranteed another couple to have sex with while you’re there. Then maybe if you’ve built up enough confidence, you could try going to the club without the other couple and see what happens. You’d be surprised how the added confidence swinging gives you transfers into your everyday lives.

I used to go to Townhouse fairly regularly, and I noticed more and more young couples dipping their toes into this world – I fucked a girl the other week who was 22, her boyfriend 23. The club has started ‘Couples Only’ nights [I’m not sure if these are still a thing], which attract the more cautious couples who might be put off by single guys being there, and there are often themed nights, party nights and, as the club doubles as a fetish club as well, fetish nights. You can arrange to meet people at the club you’ve met online, or on the club’s dedicated secret Facebook group. The club also has private rooms where you can play without being watched if you so choose.

I’ll be blogging more swinging thoughts and escapades as they occur, but I hope I’ve at least managed to shine a light into an often unreported and misunderstood world.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s